I never told me....you never told me.

I never even had you, so I don't understand why I am feeling this way.
The moment I read those words, I thought I actually felt my heart drop.
I believed everything you said to me. I trusted you. I wanted to give you
that second chance. I wanted to see what we have and if it could really
be what it feels like to me. I wanted to fight for something and have it be
because I wanted to do it. I didn't want to play the "what if" game anymore.
Not with you.

You made me believe that you didn't either. That you wanted to see if this
was something real. You made me nervous. You were thinking about how crazy this
all is. You had things to tell me. But the instant I asked you where I stood with
you- it all changed.

In that ONE instant, you changed the game on me. It wasn't about finding out things
together. You made your own decision. You said it didn't feel right to try. I don't
understand that. Don't you owe me a better explaination? Don't you owe it to me to
tell me WHY you suddenly are ready to give up on everything without trying? I need to
know what you were thinking. I need to know everything. I don't want to live with
these what ifs again. Please, not again.

What are you hiding from me? What aren't you telling me? I'm begging you to talk to
me. I'm begging you not to walk out of my life again. I would rather have you as
my friend than nothing at all. I sincerely mean that. I would love to tell you
this myself but you are ignoring me. I can't figure you out. You either don't
want the trouble of trying to be with me or you found someone else- again.

Save me from myself. Save me from believing that once again, I wasn't worth
fighting for.