I don't usually like to use the holiday season as an excuse for reflecting on how thankful I should be for the things tha I have in my life. I should always be aware of that. Everyone should always be aware that they should be thankful for what they have. I have always loved the holiday season because I honestly believe people seem happier. Maybe it is because of the deocrations and lights. Maybe it is because you get to see family and friends who live far away. Regardless, there is something about this time of year where I just feel happier.
This year I am entirely thankful for my good friends. As always I have discovered and or rediscovered who my real friends are. They are the ones who treat me with respect. The ones who are there for me when I need support. They never place judgement on me. They have found something in myself in which they can accept and love. I could never ask for anything more than that. I have always valued the idea that it is not the quanity of friends you have, but rather the quality.
I am thankful for my family. I have to admit that we are not the closest bunch. But they raised me. We falter in creating a strong, close connection but when times become rough, they are right behind me. I am grateful they are still there.
I am thankful for Mike. I never believed I could find someone who would love me for all of the good and bad. I have never experienced a love like this and I would not trade it for the world. Spending the rest of my life with him would be my fairy tale ending.
Lastly, I am thankful for my life- school, daily experiences, and all of the opportunities I am able to partake in. I realize not everyone in the world can say this. I am lucky and I realize that. This is why I want to make my life about helping others. If I can make one person happy- or if I can better someone's life- it would be my small part to making the world a bit more embracing.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Be safe and love the people around you (and yourself!).
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Neglected
Obviously writing in this journal is not a priority of mine. Especialy when the majority of my time is being spent on school work, with the fiancee, or bumming around. But I'm going to try to render that.
My life in pararaphs:
Mike and I are doing wonderfully. As of next week, we will have been together for 8 months. This is easily my most functional and happiest relationship of my LIFE. He somewhat proposed to me a couple of weeks ago, thus meaning we are now engaged. It is the prettiest ring and I am the luckiest girl. I do not know what I did to deserve someone as amazing as him. I have never dated anyone who had their actions match their words. I have no doubts when he tells me he loves me. I just hope I'm half as amazing to him.
School is becoming increasingly difficult. I'm struggling to keep it all together to move back to Beaverton at the end of June. I think it will be nice to start finding my way in life- even if my family is helping me. As much as I wish I could just move in with Mike, I know it is not realistic. I wish I did not need the money so much- otherwise I would stay in Corvallis and voluteer for CARVA. It is an amazing organization and I really think it would benefit me to work there, even if it is just volunteering. As of now, my post school plans involve living in Beaverton, finding ANY job to start saving, and really,reconnect with the people that matter.
My social life actually is going quite well. As always, I have lost a friend or two but no one too devastating. I can tell Jackie and I are not going to be friends for the long run. At least not good friends. Things were fine when we were not living together but two years later, I honestly feel like she is taking advantage of me. I'm currently restraining myself from cleaning the bathroom just to see if she will do it on her own. Two years and I can only count the number of times she has cleaned by herself (without my asking her) on one hand! It is getting out of hand. So far it has been two weeks without her cleaning. TWO WEEKS without cleaning the bathroom. Disgusting. But nevertheless, I'm passive and so is she. Thus meaning I stop talking to her in order to not 'flip the shit out' on her. How does she react? Take it as it is. She does not make an effort to solve anything. I saved her ass on Halloween night and all I got was a "thank you" and I got the wonderful privilege of cleaning up the bathroom AND her until 4am. Thank you.
Michelle is doing better. For the past month or so, she has really been struggling with her illness. Last month she was rushed to the hospitial after she stopped breathing. She actually died for a few moments. A few shocks later, she's alive again. That is the closest I have come to losing her. The feeling I had when my mom told me...words cannot even begin to describe it. She sounds so listless when I talk to her now. She's tired. I know she's tired, but is it selfish for me to want her to fight? She's in so much pain. She's not the same girl I met back then. I just hope she's doing this for herself...
Anyway, I'm so close to the end of this term. My birthday is coming up. I come home for Thanksgiving next week. I'm looking forward to driving back alone. I'm still searching for a job during winter break. I desperately need the money.
My life in pararaphs:
Mike and I are doing wonderfully. As of next week, we will have been together for 8 months. This is easily my most functional and happiest relationship of my LIFE. He somewhat proposed to me a couple of weeks ago, thus meaning we are now engaged. It is the prettiest ring and I am the luckiest girl. I do not know what I did to deserve someone as amazing as him. I have never dated anyone who had their actions match their words. I have no doubts when he tells me he loves me. I just hope I'm half as amazing to him.
School is becoming increasingly difficult. I'm struggling to keep it all together to move back to Beaverton at the end of June. I think it will be nice to start finding my way in life- even if my family is helping me. As much as I wish I could just move in with Mike, I know it is not realistic. I wish I did not need the money so much- otherwise I would stay in Corvallis and voluteer for CARVA. It is an amazing organization and I really think it would benefit me to work there, even if it is just volunteering. As of now, my post school plans involve living in Beaverton, finding ANY job to start saving, and really,reconnect with the people that matter.
My social life actually is going quite well. As always, I have lost a friend or two but no one too devastating. I can tell Jackie and I are not going to be friends for the long run. At least not good friends. Things were fine when we were not living together but two years later, I honestly feel like she is taking advantage of me. I'm currently restraining myself from cleaning the bathroom just to see if she will do it on her own. Two years and I can only count the number of times she has cleaned by herself (without my asking her) on one hand! It is getting out of hand. So far it has been two weeks without her cleaning. TWO WEEKS without cleaning the bathroom. Disgusting. But nevertheless, I'm passive and so is she. Thus meaning I stop talking to her in order to not 'flip the shit out' on her. How does she react? Take it as it is. She does not make an effort to solve anything. I saved her ass on Halloween night and all I got was a "thank you" and I got the wonderful privilege of cleaning up the bathroom AND her until 4am. Thank you.
Michelle is doing better. For the past month or so, she has really been struggling with her illness. Last month she was rushed to the hospitial after she stopped breathing. She actually died for a few moments. A few shocks later, she's alive again. That is the closest I have come to losing her. The feeling I had when my mom told me...words cannot even begin to describe it. She sounds so listless when I talk to her now. She's tired. I know she's tired, but is it selfish for me to want her to fight? She's in so much pain. She's not the same girl I met back then. I just hope she's doing this for herself...
Anyway, I'm so close to the end of this term. My birthday is coming up. I come home for Thanksgiving next week. I'm looking forward to driving back alone. I'm still searching for a job during winter break. I desperately need the money.
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