I need someone to give me peace of mind.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
So Sleepy
Here's the down and dirty recap:
- went black Friday shopping this morning with Sabrina. I ended up buying mittens, a movie, two sweaters and a a cute sweater dress.
- My parents gave me a gorgeous birthday present. I'm still in shock.
- Ended up spending some time with my mom. Good times but she still doesn't understand me.
- Found out my big sister has been in the hospital since the 21st. She went through yet another surgery and I found about it last night. My brother knew, but didn't bother to tell me. It's great to be in the loop.
- I feel like an outsider when I'm at my parent's house. I feel as though I never really belonged there and this Thanksgiving was the final straw.
- Some people can be really inconsiderate.
- I miss my boyfriend. I miss being able to talk to him. I miss being able to tell him what's bothering me. I don't understand the whole issue but there's something more to the situation.
I hate that when I found out about my sister, the only thing I wanted to do was call the boyfriend but he couldn't be bothered to spend some time to talk to me.
- My dad and my brother believed that I was going to turn 23 on Wednesday. Definitely NOT!
- I'm exhausted. Blitz +dinner snacks +friends. Driving home slightly intoxicated made me extra sleeping. So even writing this, My eyes are doing the whole theme thing.
- I leave for Corvallis tomorrow. GO BEAVERS! Buh bye Ducks!
I am so completely tired. Good night and I hope this works.
- went black Friday shopping this morning with Sabrina. I ended up buying mittens, a movie, two sweaters and a a cute sweater dress.
- My parents gave me a gorgeous birthday present. I'm still in shock.
- Ended up spending some time with my mom. Good times but she still doesn't understand me.
- Found out my big sister has been in the hospital since the 21st. She went through yet another surgery and I found about it last night. My brother knew, but didn't bother to tell me. It's great to be in the loop.
- I feel like an outsider when I'm at my parent's house. I feel as though I never really belonged there and this Thanksgiving was the final straw.
- Some people can be really inconsiderate.
- I miss my boyfriend. I miss being able to talk to him. I miss being able to tell him what's bothering me. I don't understand the whole issue but there's something more to the situation.
I hate that when I found out about my sister, the only thing I wanted to do was call the boyfriend but he couldn't be bothered to spend some time to talk to me.
- My dad and my brother believed that I was going to turn 23 on Wednesday. Definitely NOT!
- I'm exhausted. Blitz +dinner snacks +friends. Driving home slightly intoxicated made me extra sleeping. So even writing this, My eyes are doing the whole theme thing.
- I leave for Corvallis tomorrow. GO BEAVERS! Buh bye Ducks!
I am so completely tired. Good night and I hope this works.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Today I made two types of gravy, two types of stuffing, deviled eggs, rolls, garlic mashed potatoes, and a casserole. Not so much as a thank you.
My family drives me up the wall. My so called brother is still not talking to me. I don't want to here anymore. I just wanted to spend today with my boyfriend.
I'm going black friday shopping with sabrina in the morning- so I guess I should just go kill time or something...
My family drives me up the wall. My so called brother is still not talking to me. I don't want to here anymore. I just wanted to spend today with my boyfriend.
I'm going black friday shopping with sabrina in the morning- so I guess I should just go kill time or something...
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Oh dear.
I'm currently sitting on my couch watching the movie, "Hannibal". I love how twisted and brilliant it is! And it makes me want to attend an opera someday. I'm supposed to be working on the several papers I have due this term, but I can't seem to keep focused enough to do so.
I drove my room mate to the grocery store because she needed things to make pie for Thanksgiving. I decided to make a quick trip to the Asian market we have here. I woke up today craving some pho - which my mom makes the best of. I on the other hand, was looking for the cheap, quick and easy solution to my craving. I bought the noodles and the soup base for it and made it for lunch. I actually had made enough for dinner tonight BUT unfortunately my room mate decided to wash the dishes while I was still eating and well, she dumped the rest of my broth. Yeah. Not cool. I'm a bit miffed about it, but she feels bad and I don't want her to. So the best thing is get over it, right?
Blah. I need a hug from the boyfriend. =T
I drove my room mate to the grocery store because she needed things to make pie for Thanksgiving. I decided to make a quick trip to the Asian market we have here. I woke up today craving some pho - which my mom makes the best of. I on the other hand, was looking for the cheap, quick and easy solution to my craving. I bought the noodles and the soup base for it and made it for lunch. I actually had made enough for dinner tonight BUT unfortunately my room mate decided to wash the dishes while I was still eating and well, she dumped the rest of my broth. Yeah. Not cool. I'm a bit miffed about it, but she feels bad and I don't want her to. So the best thing is get over it, right?
Blah. I need a hug from the boyfriend. =T
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Week 8
I'm nearing the end of week 8 of the term. I am beyond exhausted but my mind won't stop racing enough for me to get a full night's sleep.
I have four more papers to write before the end of the term. Then I have two major finals and an oral final to take care of. Oh not to mention another pop quiz in the near future for my history class. I also have two appointments- one for the college of liberal arts and the other for the psychology department. Then I have to bake two batches of cookies before heading back to Beaverton on Wednesday night and then help make Thanksgiving dinner. I'm apparently responsible for everything BUT the turkey.
I get to spend almost four straight days with my family. I am so not looking forward to this...
The only thing that is helping me keep my head above water is the fact that in about 5 days, I get to see my ever so amazing boyfriend. Regardless of how tired he is or if he's already sleeping, he makes the time to talk to me. I am so thankful he's in my life to keep my grounded and to love me.
Oh how I absolutely love him.
I have four more papers to write before the end of the term. Then I have two major finals and an oral final to take care of. Oh not to mention another pop quiz in the near future for my history class. I also have two appointments- one for the college of liberal arts and the other for the psychology department. Then I have to bake two batches of cookies before heading back to Beaverton on Wednesday night and then help make Thanksgiving dinner. I'm apparently responsible for everything BUT the turkey.
I get to spend almost four straight days with my family. I am so not looking forward to this...
The only thing that is helping me keep my head above water is the fact that in about 5 days, I get to see my ever so amazing boyfriend. Regardless of how tired he is or if he's already sleeping, he makes the time to talk to me. I am so thankful he's in my life to keep my grounded and to love me.
Oh how I absolutely love him.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Numb without Sense.
I can't feel anything anymore. And that scares me more than I ever thought it could.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Boo homework on a Saturday night!
1. Describe your ex in one word?
- Selfish.
2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
- Black, fine point pens. Bonus points if they click.
3. Look at your planner for April 14?
- I don't own a planner nor do I tend to plan that far in advance.
4. What does the 4th text in your inbox say?
- I don't want to check but 5 bucks says it's from the boyfriend <3
5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
-Notes from Philosophy while I was studying last week.
6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
- I have white blinds.
7. What color are the seats in your car?
- Light tan.
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
- I've never owned a kitty. =[
9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
- Letter to the boyfriend.
12. Who was the last baby you held?
- That would be Brandon!
17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
- Never.
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
- No.
19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
- The shirt I'm wearing...or the blanket I'm using.
20. Last person to give you a business card?
- This lady I worked with at Nordstrom. She wants to be my personal shopper.
22. Closest framed picture to you?
- There aren't any frames in the living room.
23. Last time you had someone cook for you??
- Jackie
24. What was it?
- She heated up some ravioli on...Wednesday I think.
26. Last time you received flowers?
- Earlier last month <3
27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
- No. Marriage is for those who love each other. Love is for everyone.
28. Do you play air guitar?
- Actually, no. I prefer to dance like no one's watching.
29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?
- Not officially. It's just been discussed.
30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
- Just some milk when I make it at home, but I usually get my coffee from Starbucks and who knows what they put in it!
31. Do you have any willow tree figurines?
- No? I don't know what those are!
32. What was your high school's rival mascot?
- Um. I don't remember who our rival was.
33. Last person you spoke to from high school??
- Oh Alyssa and Sarah!
34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
- When I was in the NICU visiting baby Maile.
35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
- Sure. I could use some musical talent.
36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
- White.
38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
- I was reading about the election results in the Barometer last week.
39. What was the last pageant you attended?
- I can't remember if I have.
40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
- Ordered from Pizza Hut last Thursday night.
41. Have you ever worn a crown?
- I'm definitely a tiara kind of girl.
42. What is the last thing you stapled?
- Probably an essay.
43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
- Nope. I don't like Pepsi anyway.
44. Are you ticklish?
- In a secret spot, yes.
45. Last time you saw fireworks?
- The 4th of July?
46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
- It's been years. I don't like them.
47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually
returned their call?
- Mommy. =]
48. Last time you parked under a carport?
- Over the summer.
49. Do you have a black dog?
- Nope. Just a fish.
FIRSTS:
023. First piercing? Ears
024. First best friend? Ashley Stone.
025. First movie? I don't know. I think the earliest movie I remember watching was "Lady and the Tramp".
026. First sport you joined? Do swimming lessons count?
027. First pet? just a bunch of fish.
028. First concert? Fallout Boy/All American Rejects.
029. First crush? Ryan Knutson.
030. First kiss? I don't kiss and tell.
031. First love? Easy. Seth Miller.
033. First stitches? Never.
034. First broken bone? Not yet. [Yeah, I'm surprised too.]
035. First grade teacher? Mrs. Beirma.
036. First car? Corolla.
037. First cell phone? old school Nokia. Ahh the prepaid minutes days.
First thing that comes to mind:
048. Kids? Trouble but cute.
049. Marriage? Love.
050. Career? Life.
051. Pickle? Chips.
052. Penny? Lucky.
053. Stop? Go!
054. Donut? Coffee.
055. QuizPox.com? Huh?
056. Myspace.com? Over it!
057. Debt? Credit.
058. College? Ew.
059. Cupid? Love
060. 777? Lucky!
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE DESIRED SEX?:
061. Lips or eyes? eyes
062. Hugs or kisses? both
063. Shorter or taller? taller
064. Romantic or spontaneous? Both
065. Stomach or arms? arms
066. Sensitive or loud? both
067. Hook-up or relationship? relationship
068. Older or younger? older
069. Richer or Poorer? doesn't matter as long as we're happy.
070. Smart or witty? both
071. Shy or outgoing? outgoing
072. High maintenance or plain? plain
073. Glasses or contacts? Doesn't matter.
074. Taurus or Gemini? Uh...who cares
075. Lots of friends or no friends? Doesn't matter.
HAVE YOU EVER:
076. Kissed a stranger? I wouldn't call them strangers.
077. Lost your glasses or contacts? nope
078. Lost your cell phone? No
079. Broken any bones? No
080. Broken someones heart? Once or twice.
081. Been arrested? no
082. Seen a hooker? I'm sure I have.
083. Been to a funeral? Yes
084. Been to Las Vegas? Just once.
085. Bought off Ebay? Once.
087. Picked your nose and ate it? Gross.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there someone you want to be with right now? Boyfriend. I miss him like crazy.
098. Is Superman really better than Batman? Yes.
099. Have you dated more than 1 person at the same time? Never.
- Selfish.
2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
- Black, fine point pens. Bonus points if they click.
3. Look at your planner for April 14?
- I don't own a planner nor do I tend to plan that far in advance.
4. What does the 4th text in your inbox say?
- I don't want to check but 5 bucks says it's from the boyfriend <3
5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
-Notes from Philosophy while I was studying last week.
6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
- I have white blinds.
7. What color are the seats in your car?
- Light tan.
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
- I've never owned a kitty. =[
9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
- Letter to the boyfriend.
12. Who was the last baby you held?
- That would be Brandon!
17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
- Never.
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
- No.
19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
- The shirt I'm wearing...or the blanket I'm using.
20. Last person to give you a business card?
- This lady I worked with at Nordstrom. She wants to be my personal shopper.
22. Closest framed picture to you?
- There aren't any frames in the living room.
23. Last time you had someone cook for you??
- Jackie
24. What was it?
- She heated up some ravioli on...Wednesday I think.
26. Last time you received flowers?
- Earlier last month <3
27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
- No. Marriage is for those who love each other. Love is for everyone.
28. Do you play air guitar?
- Actually, no. I prefer to dance like no one's watching.
29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?
- Not officially. It's just been discussed.
30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
- Just some milk when I make it at home, but I usually get my coffee from Starbucks and who knows what they put in it!
31. Do you have any willow tree figurines?
- No? I don't know what those are!
32. What was your high school's rival mascot?
- Um. I don't remember who our rival was.
33. Last person you spoke to from high school??
- Oh Alyssa and Sarah!
34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
- When I was in the NICU visiting baby Maile.
35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
- Sure. I could use some musical talent.
36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
- White.
38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
- I was reading about the election results in the Barometer last week.
39. What was the last pageant you attended?
- I can't remember if I have.
40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
- Ordered from Pizza Hut last Thursday night.
41. Have you ever worn a crown?
- I'm definitely a tiara kind of girl.
42. What is the last thing you stapled?
- Probably an essay.
43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
- Nope. I don't like Pepsi anyway.
44. Are you ticklish?
- In a secret spot, yes.
45. Last time you saw fireworks?
- The 4th of July?
46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
- It's been years. I don't like them.
47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually
returned their call?
- Mommy. =]
48. Last time you parked under a carport?
- Over the summer.
49. Do you have a black dog?
- Nope. Just a fish.
FIRSTS:
023. First piercing? Ears
024. First best friend? Ashley Stone.
025. First movie? I don't know. I think the earliest movie I remember watching was "Lady and the Tramp".
026. First sport you joined? Do swimming lessons count?
027. First pet? just a bunch of fish.
028. First concert? Fallout Boy/All American Rejects.
029. First crush? Ryan Knutson.
030. First kiss? I don't kiss and tell.
031. First love? Easy. Seth Miller.
033. First stitches? Never.
034. First broken bone? Not yet. [Yeah, I'm surprised too.]
035. First grade teacher? Mrs. Beirma.
036. First car? Corolla.
037. First cell phone? old school Nokia. Ahh the prepaid minutes days.
First thing that comes to mind:
048. Kids? Trouble but cute.
049. Marriage? Love.
050. Career? Life.
051. Pickle? Chips.
052. Penny? Lucky.
053. Stop? Go!
054. Donut? Coffee.
055. QuizPox.com? Huh?
056. Myspace.com? Over it!
057. Debt? Credit.
058. College? Ew.
059. Cupid? Love
060. 777? Lucky!
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE DESIRED SEX?:
061. Lips or eyes? eyes
062. Hugs or kisses? both
063. Shorter or taller? taller
064. Romantic or spontaneous? Both
065. Stomach or arms? arms
066. Sensitive or loud? both
067. Hook-up or relationship? relationship
068. Older or younger? older
069. Richer or Poorer? doesn't matter as long as we're happy.
070. Smart or witty? both
071. Shy or outgoing? outgoing
072. High maintenance or plain? plain
073. Glasses or contacts? Doesn't matter.
074. Taurus or Gemini? Uh...who cares
075. Lots of friends or no friends? Doesn't matter.
HAVE YOU EVER:
076. Kissed a stranger? I wouldn't call them strangers.
077. Lost your glasses or contacts? nope
078. Lost your cell phone? No
079. Broken any bones? No
080. Broken someones heart? Once or twice.
081. Been arrested? no
082. Seen a hooker? I'm sure I have.
083. Been to a funeral? Yes
084. Been to Las Vegas? Just once.
085. Bought off Ebay? Once.
087. Picked your nose and ate it? Gross.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there someone you want to be with right now? Boyfriend. I miss him like crazy.
098. Is Superman really better than Batman? Yes.
099. Have you dated more than 1 person at the same time? Never.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Stream of conciousness
It's cold outside. It hasn't stopped raining in days. I miss the sunshine. But I do want to go puddle jumping. I miss my boyfriend. Did I mention every day I come home from class, all I want to do is cuddle up with him? I love the winter season but I hate how sad I can get sometimes. I love being in love but I hate being so far away from him. Sometimes I feel as though things don't go my way because they aren't meant to. I wish I had more definite answers in my life. I wish I didn't have any responsibilities here. I wish I could be with him forever, right now. I wish I wasn't here. I'm tired of classes. I'm tired of trying so hard but not achieving what I think I deserve. I am looking forward to coming home for Thanksgiving. Things might actually be okay with my parents. My brother is a lost cause and I have decided to stop caring. I need to get a job. I need to figure things out. I hate how I can't see what he's like when he's talking to me. I'm worried that he really is just frustrated with me. There are so many things I want to change in my life, but I just don't know if I can handle it. I need someone to support me in my decisions. I really have never felt a love like this. My biggest fear is that he will stop loving me. Le sigh.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Just a Dream
The first time I heard this song, I cried. The first time I watched the music video for it, I cried. But I just can't get enough of it and have yet to stop listening to it. Sometimes it's the confusing things that make the most sense. Or is it the other way around?
"Just a Dream" - Carrie Underwood
It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white, going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,
six pence in her shoe
something borrowed something *blue*
and when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears oh
she just couldn’t believe it
she heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands
Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I cant even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Verse 2
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
then they handed her a folded up flag and
she held on to all she had left of him oh and what could’ve been
and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart
Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Ohh I'll never know
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh this is just a dream
just a dream, ya [fading out]
"Just a Dream" - Carrie Underwood
It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white, going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,
six pence in her shoe
something borrowed something *blue*
and when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears oh
she just couldn’t believe it
she heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands
Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I cant even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Verse 2
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
then they handed her a folded up flag and
she held on to all she had left of him oh and what could’ve been
and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart
Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Ohh I'll never know
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh this is just a dream
just a dream, ya [fading out]
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