Are you Who you think you are?

My friend proposed a question earlier today.

What if the person you are isn't the person you always thought you were? Who would you be? Would you be a phony?

I tend to think about this a lot. It makes if difficult to maintain an identity, but I suppose it's just fate keeping me on my toes.

So in love

I am so completely head over heels in love. I never really thought I'd get a chance to experience something like this, but I am ever so thankful that I've been given this chance. In fact, I'm so thankful He loves me so much. I find myself even more excited for the future and I just can't wait to move out there to be with him.


I just can't stop smiling

Je suis dit...

aider-moi, s'il te plait.

je ne sais pas cette maintainent.

si tu sais, tu devrais dit moi.

je voudrais suis contente avec mon vie mais c'etait tres difficle.

ouais. je sais quand je suis ecite, il y a beacoup des false gammar, mais c'est beaucoup de temps pour quand j'ai etudie francais.

The Unknown

My breath caught in my throat, making it hard to breathe.
My hands trembled with each unsteady step I took towards the door.
Unsure of what was on the other side, I felt a hand push me in.

The smell of cleaning solvents overwhelmed my senses
but my heart still tightened at the sight of her pale, drugged face.
Cold and unwelcoming; this was not her.
This was not our reunion.

The silence was deafening; the muffled intercom was the only companion I had.
Warmth came only from the steady, mechanical beeping
of her heart, followed by the deep, labored breathing
I only came to appreciate that night.

The sky turned bright and full of hope,
that signaled the beginning of a new chance.
Things might actually be okay.
My eyes raced to take it all in.
My mind scrambling to find the comfort I desperately needed.
The sounds of a faint lullaby echoed through the building,
carrying innocence back into the room and back into her life.
Everything will be okay.

No Survival

Shades of gray and black,
shadows deep and menacing.
Clouds envelop the sky like the mouth of Hell swallowing Heaven.
Overlapping one another,
battling, blocking out rays of hope; rays of faith.

Extinguishing the light of the world.
I stand at the edge,
to jump or not to jump?
My breath, shallow and quick.
The fight for survival within my human hands.
My mouth opens, astounded by silence.
Nothing but defeat.
No need to fight.
No survival, I choose.
One last jump into the abyss, the unknown.

The sky turns red-
no shadows, no clouds.
Demon shadows not withstanding.
Eyes open, I await my destiny.
My breathing slows.

Nothing but a dream.
Hello Sunshine.
I'm okay.

Fingers to the keys,
my thoughts flow free
like the waves of the ocean.
undefined. unrestrained.
misunderstood.

Pure exhaustion

I really want to write about a topic we discussed in class this morning, but I am much too tired to write a coherent post. So, just so I actually write something, I'm going to sum up my day.

This is only the second day of the second week of school but already I feel mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day for me to complete everything everyone wants me to finish. I definitely don't get enough sleep to keep going at this pace and I really don't know how to remedy this. My days usually start at about 8am and are filled with hours of classes, reading and homework. It's starting to become a little too stressful for my liking. But there are some highlights to my day. I love being able to come home and chat with Bug about our days and then have dinner together. I also always look forward to talking to the Boyfriend everynight. There's something about talking to him that just completely puts me at ease. For however long we spend on the phone with each other, the less stress I feel and the more I start to forget about whatever is bothering me. I'm so thankful for him [and my Bug for listening to my crazy stories of my day].

I finished everything I needed to for tomorrow. I greatly dislike having long days of class, but what can I do about it? Regardless I'm still behind on my Philosophy reading. I tried to finish it last night but I fell asleep with my book in my hand and woke up at 5am to turn off my light. I have two papers to write soon and I'm putting them off because there's so much reading to get done for classes. It's lame. My french class is horrendously easy and I feel like banging my head on the desk sometimes. We just learned the alphabet...Lame. I have this friend who is currently taking classes on campus with me and we haven't be able to meet up yet. The reason for this is because our schedules don't really match up and I'm always frantically rushing around. So when he sent me a text today to meet up, I was already on the other side of campus. I had no desire to backtrack and I told him that. Apparently I'm being unhelpful with meeting up and he wonders if we're friends at all if I don't make the effort to meet up. Yeah, so sorry if I can't drop everything when he finds time in his schedule to hang out. What about my schedule?! Argh.

Bug and I went to the grocery store earlier this evening. We once again have a bottle of wine...Merlot to be exact. There's something soothing about being able to curl up with a glass of wine after a long day. Oh and lighting some candles, of course. I can be such a girl. Anyway we made pizza for dinner- mine turned out to be heart shaped. And we had cinnamon rolls for dinner because I've had a craving for them for practically a month.

Now it's not even 9:00pm but I can already feel my mind shutting down. I'm going to curl up in a ball and watch PBS. There's a segment about dinosaurs. =] It's going to be a long week...

Predetermined Fate?

Do you ever get the feeling that you know something is going to happen but you have no choice but to sit and wait for it to actually occur?

It's not about if it is going to happen, but rather when. I've never been really great at the waiting game, but I guess good things come to those who wait, right?

The heart wants what it wants.

Sometimes it's not about what the mind wants.
The mind doesn't know compassion or love.
It knows logic and realism.
The heart wants what you need-
not what you think you need.
It wants happiness, love, and compassion.
It wants the chance to be fulfilled.

i choose to follow my heart.

Forever and ever...and then some

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now. I've been promised forever. I've given my heart away and I have never felt happier with that decision.

I am head over heels in love. And the best part is, He loves me too.