Free write

The silver lining

To reach this point and have no leverage.
To realize I have no societal value-
My mind races and my stomach churns.
I have the means to take a stand.
I need to take this stand
for me.
For what I want- what I need.

The unseen forces of reality
continuously knock me down.
way down- to where I just might belong.

Blind faith is all I have- all I am left grasping for
In hopes that there is a light at the end
Of that tunnel I hear so much about.
That things will work out in the end.

I desperately seek that silver lining-
Within these clouds, surrounding my very existence.
I climb back up in hopes of standing on my own
To believe that I, too, can reach the glistening lining of hope.
With my finger tips reaching- just barely grazing
the mystical hope inspiring silver lining of these dark clouds.

Just when my finger tips inch closer to hope,
the overwhelming sense of reality smacks into me,
Yet again.
My fingers close and grasp nothing. Emptiness.
My heart grasps nothing but despair.

Once again I gather the courage to stand yet again
for me not them.
But within a blink of an eye, it pulls away
Like the waves of an endless ocean.
Lost and alone. That’s all I have.

With that one moment, I finally understand.
There is no silver lining within my grasps.
Within my means.
Left with only my own desire to stand tall once more,
I can only hope that believing in faith
Rather than having is
Will really be enough.

At least for me.