Yeah Huh...

You always loved it when I said that. Apparently you thought it was adorable. I say it a lot now, especially now that you're not here. I can't stop talking about you. I bring you up in conversation a lot. It's all good things, I promise.

So basically I'm lying in bed right now, refusing to get up. I feel warm and safe. I feel as though the moment I place my feet on the ground, reality will set in. I miss Seth Why would I want to do that to myself? At least at this moment, I could just be dreaming that he's not with me anymore. Reality is not where I want to be right now. This is the ninth day...

I have decided that I'm not going to let him go. There's nothing I can do about it, but I honestly have faith that he won't truly let me go either. Maybe it will work out like it does in my [delusional] mind. I'm not ready to say good bye to him. But the ball is in his court.

I'm not single. We're just in an extremely, overly complicated...situation. I'm not going to date or go out looking for someone. I'm here for him. At least until reality sinks in. This is his decision. This is my passive method of dealing with this. This is my method of continuing the fight.

The first thing I thought of this morning was to call him. So I did. I fail at the whole breaking contact thing. I told him that I was really worried about him and that I love and miss him. Please call me back. Don't I deserve some peace of mind?

Shit, finals are not going to be horrible. Both finals on Monday. They're both scheduled one after the other. I'm worried about my psychology final. There are so many disorders and symptoms to remember. Oh and the treatments! I'm so stressed out. I can't even focus long enough to get anything done. I miss him more each day.