I want to hold hands, go ice skating, and eat sugar plums.
It is supposed to snow this weekend. I'm excited but I really wish I could enjoy my favorite time of year with you.
I'm starting to realize that everything that has been happening between us may be for the better. At least for you. You always talked about being strong and making the right decisions in your life. Maybe this was your right decision. Maybe I was never right for you. It's ironic though. You always said I deserved the very best. You tried to break up with me before, telling me that I could find someone better for me. I responded by telling you that you were the perfect one for me. That I wanted no one else. I, on the other hand, believe that you deserve the best. And I'm not good enough for someone so strong and worthwhile. Maybe you finally saw where I was coming from.
There are a lot of things that I know I am. I'm sweet and sincere. I have a kind heart. I sacrifice myself for the people I care about. I want to change the world. But regardless of how many good things I am, I'm not strong. I care about what others think about me. I hold of to memories of those who hurt me. My self esteem is terrible because of my past. I honestly don't believe I'm good enough nor do I deserve good things to happen to me. I'm just common. You really deserve the best, Seth. You were an amazing boyfriend to me. Even though we fought, you always made sure I knew how much you loved me. You constantly told me how lucky you felt to have met me; how beautiful and sweet I was. You were the first one to say "I love you". You always gave me 100% of yourself as well as to our relationship. That meant the world to me. To know that I finally found someone I could trust and hold so dear to my heart. Someone I knew I could fully give myself to. I fell head over heels for you and I jumped blindly into our future. The one thing you said that I still think about to this day was: You told me that you just couldn't get enough of me.
It breaks my heart over and over again when I realize that you finally did get enough of me. When I see other couples of happy and in love, it tears me up inside. I don't need the grand gestures in life. I don't need the materialistic things other girls need. I don't need a ring. I need your words. I need to hear your voice and hear that you love me. I just want to be able to stand by your side through the good and the bad. I want to be able to be the one to hold your hand or to fall asleep next to you. I don't want to be me. I don't want you to be you. I want to be us.
You used to want all of those things. I just wish you still did.
What happened to forever?
