My sleeping habits have been declining lately. I haven't had a decent nights sleep since the end of last month. This allowed me to be awake when it started to snow the first time Saturday night/morning at around 4am. Peaceful. I got dressed and went outside for a bit. I love being outside when there aren't people around. For some reason it just puts my mind at ease.
I'm still in Corvallis because the roads are too icy to drive back to Portland. The snow was absolutely gorgeous last night and I was finally able to go on my snow walk. The bright side of staying in Corvallis during Winter break is that there are hardly any people here. The snow was practically untouched in some of the places we walked to. As much as people can bitch about the snow ruining their plans, I still love it. It reminds me to stop and breathe in everything that's happening around me. Granted my mind is constantly racing as of late, but for just a moment, my mind slowed down a bit. Christmas is coming up really soon. I was going to send him a present for Christmas and his birthday, but I don't think it's a good idea anymore. I think it's time to for me to cut my losses. Move on. I still love him. I miss him more than I ever thought I could miss anyone. But there's nothing I can do. There's no point in breaking myself down anymore.
I would give anything to hear his voice again. To be able to talk to him while I watch the snow fall.
But I am thankful for having him in my life- even though it was just for a short time. Even though it ended so horribly. I'm still hurt but he was the best thing that has ever happened to me. He will always be the first person I have ever loved, whole heartedly and completely. Memories last forever right?
