Let go. Move on. Be strong [er].

Oregon is being hit with the third snow storm within the past week. I haven't seen snow like this in years. I was able to start and finish my Christmas shopping in a day and a half. That's the quickest I've ever done that! I ran my last errand last night and now the snow is falling. In fact, it hasn't stopped snowing since early this morning. I think we have 4+ inches out in front of my parent's house right now. Honestly as much as I hate being stuck inside, it is absolutely beautiful. I'm curled up with a blanket and a warm cup of tea watching the snow fall. I wish I had someone to share it with.

My mom had her outpatient surgery yesterday. She was a bit disoriented and drugged up when she came home yesterday but the pain wasn't too bad. She's a bit weak this morning and now we're waiting for the test results. Apparently she has four appointments with four different doctors. I'm so worried about her. I've never seen her so weak. My troubles seem so trite compared to everyone else.

I had a heart to heart talk with my former room mate. She understands me more than Bug does. And she definitely has a different perspective about my recent situation. It was refreshing to not hear any "I told you so's" or "I saw this coming so I'm not surprised". Hearing those things from my friends actually added to the hurt I was already feeling. I don't understand how Bug could say things like that when she's never even put herself out there to experience it for herself. It's frustrating but now I know what I can't talk to her about.

I wrote my last note to him. I haven't sent it yet because well, walking to my mailbox seems like a dangerous task at the moment. It's a birthday card and basically my good bye. I don't know if he'll bother to read it but I guess it doesn't matter. I'm thinking writing a good bye was more for myself than anything. I understand relationships not working out. It's unrealistic to believe that forever exists- regardless of the situation. Yes I love him. Yes I miss him. But it didn't work out. I know I need a lot of time to heal from this and I'm going to do what's best for me. But I always believed in needing a good bye. I don't like leaving loose ends because it leaves room for "what if's". As much as He claimed to love me, he robbed me of the opportunity to move on. So now I have to learn how to do it myself.

Maybe in the new year...