Pointless Relationships

I'm in a relationship but yet I feel so alone. I realize he can't be with me now but that's not the issue. We're supposed to be able to talk to each other. We're supposed to communicate our feelings and make sure no one is left in the dark. Without him having a working phone, we just don't talk anymore. When I send text messages to say hi or to see how his day is going, I feel like I'm bothering him. I get short responses, if anything at all. He doesn't even tell me he loves me anymore. It's starting to drive me crazy because there are ways to talk to me. Even if it's for a few minutes. He could borrow a phone from one of his friends. He could set up a web cam date or anything really.

I finally sent him a text today telling him that I have been getting a bad vibe about us. Apparently, things are rough for him right now, but I hate having to sit back and wonder about how he's doing. Or whether or not he even wants to be with me anymore. I don't like games and I feel like this is just a HUGE game. If I'm so important to him, shouldn't he want to talk to me about things? I guess he's going through something that I wouldn't understand but letting me know that something is wrong [and that it has nothing to do with our relationship] would do wonders. The feeling I have in the pit of my stomach is all too familiar. It's the same feeling I had before Seth left me. I know this feeling and I don't want anything to do with it.

My friend and I were talking today and I told her that I met my boyfriend on an online dating site. She has a friend who she thinks is perfect for me. He lives in town and recently graduated. I guess he wants to meet me- my friend sent him a picture of me and he said I was cute. As nice as this guy may sound to me, I don't think it's right for me to hang out with a guy [blindly] and not have it feel like a date. I was asked to be exclusive with my boyfriend and I'm as loyal as they come.

But what if Boyfriend is really trying to break it off? Why am I always the one who has to stick around and work for something that may already be pointless? I suppose I can't help who I care about or who I want to be with. But at least I try...

I guess this is just another one of those waiting games. I can sit and see whether or not Boyfriend is serious about wanting to be with me. Or I can be heartless and break it off with him through a text. Which I really don't want to do. Who knows. I don't have time to waste on a pointless relationship but my heart just won't let me let go.

I don't want to be stuck in a dead end if it means me missing a chance at something great in my life.