First Impressions

There's something about me that makes me so desperate to please people. I like myself enough to know that I'm a good person but for some reason I can't seem to keep people around me. I lose friends, boyfriends, even people I just date.

This past weekend, I went on a "date". Actually I'm not really sure what to call it since it was just a first meeting grabbing lunch but I digress. I've been on hang outs with guys before. It's been one on one before. But for some reason I was incredibly nervous about this one. The quick story is that I "met" him on a dating website. We've exchanged a few e-mails and then he gave me his number. We conversed off and on and tried to make plans to meet up. Finally we agreed on Saturday for a slice of pizza near campus. Anyway, I made my room mate walk me half way to help calm my nerves. He had called earlier to let me know that he was going to run late so I had a few minutes to sit for a bit by myself. He showed up looking incredibly good looking. He apologized for being late- saying it wasn't a good first impression. He came off as being sweet and he paid for my slice of pizza. We sat and chatted for a while. Then he had to get to a group meeting. We awkwardly hugged good bye and parted ways. I didn't know what to think about the whole thing. But I did send him a text later that night thanking him and saying it was nice to meet him. I wished him a good night and I never heard from him. That was three days ago.

I don't really know how I feel about it. I understand the concept of not having things work out but I just wish there was a courtesy where the other party lets you know that they're not interested. I'm not big on the whole turn the other way method. I tend to feel like I'm left in the dark and I absolutely HATE it.

But really this point of this post was to stress my worry about the kind of first impression I make on people. I never seem to get past the first impression/first date concept. Well, I guess I kind of did with Seth but I don't really count that...I worry that there's something about me that isn't appealing to people when they first meet me.

I'm not horribly crushing on this guy or anything. I just think he's a good guy and I want to get to know him more. Everyone could use a new friend. Oh well, I'll probably just cut my losses. Oh well. I have other things to worry about.