A friend pointed out that I have gone through the stages of grief after having my heart broken by him. I never thought about it that way, but it's true. I really have. I definitely haven't followed the steps in order though, but I have gone through them all. Apparently I don't tend to follow the rules, so going through the steps out of order was expected for me. My friend knows me all too well.
I have concluded that I do hate him. I hate him for making the decision to end us by himself. I hate him for breaking my heart. I hate him for leaving me behind when he promised me forever.
But after all of that hate, I realize I will always love him. He will always be my first love and there's nothing that would replace that in my heart. He's becoming nothing more than a memory. The smell of his colonge on my pillows and blanket are surely fading. And before long, he will be nothing but the person who will always hold a small piece of my heart and my past.
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Live without fear. Love with abandon. Live with a purpose and be remembered.
