The girl next door

I know I am still young. I know I have my whole life ahead of me to figure things out. I know that I'm not ready to settle down with anyone right at this moment. With that being said, I realize that I do want someone to cuddle with; someone who wants to spend their time with me. I know friends do just that, but I want a significant other who looks at me and understands that I am beautiful even though I'm not your average cookie cutter societal beauty.

I have been officially single for over a year. I've dated on and off since then, leading to my meeting some interesting guys. Some for the good and some for the definite bad. But it was okay. I was having fun dating and acting my age. None of of this has really bothered me in the past, but that has recently changed as a result of a crazy increase of people getting engaged/married and having children. Now, I know all of that will happen to me when the times comes, but it does not help that the aforementioned people are from the same high school graduating class. Jeez.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been considered the nice girl, or the girl who is everyone's friend. I am perfectly capable of meeting guys and becoming their friends but for some reason, I can never bring myself to be anything but just that. I'm not saying I don't value the strong friendships that I have. It's just that there are times where I wish things could have been different. I realize it's not realistic to think with the whole "shoulda-woulda-coulda" mindset, but it's something that does run through my mind sometimes. Who knew there was a "Nice Girl" syndrome to match the "Nice Guy" one.

There are times where I sit back and observe my friends being either happy or miserable in their relationships [respectively] and I wonder why I don't get a chance to experience the same thing. I tend to feel left out or on the rare occasion, even unworthy experiencing such a feeling. I'm young, but I am terrified that I won't find that special someone. I'm scared that for the rest of my life, I will meet amazing guys who will ultimately view me as the "best friend" or the go to girl for getting to know my friends. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends with all of my heart and I would do anything and everything to make sure they're happy. But sometimes, I just want someone to help me find my own happiness. Personally, I don't think it's too much to ask for.

I'm just looking for that one guy who will come into my life and leave me breathless everyday. Someone who will see me for who I really am and still decide to keep me around because I'm special. Someone who realizes that there's more to me than what meets the eye. Someone who wants more from me than just a physical relationship. I am so much more than that. I deserve so much more than that.

With that being said, I think it's time for me to take matters into my own hands. If I want something to happen, I need to make it happen. I don't want to be considered the reliable girl-friend anymore. I want to be someone's "something more".